Where do I go from here?

I am speechless. I sit in my room and I just don't even know where to begin. I am alone and my mind is running a mile a minute. I run just to try and catch a piece of it. Where do I begin? How did I get to where I am right now? Where do I go from here? The tears begin to flow as I reflect on a year that was extremely trying and rewarding at the same time.

This year has literally rocked my world. God has tested me more this year then I ever expected. I have definitely had my ups and downs. There have been times when I thought that I just couldn't make it any more. I have made it through though. Some how I have survived this year of endless trials.

I wish I understood why things happened they way they did. Why was this year full of so many challenging situations? I know that I wont be able to understand the true impact of this year until later on in my life. Some day I will be able to sit and know why I was put through such a hard year, but that time is not now.

I find myself asking a lot of why questions. Mainly..why me? Why does my world constantly feel like it is being turned upside down? How will all of this play out in my life and what will it mean?

I am scared for the future...I am flat out terrified to see what this year will mean in the broad spectrum of my life. I cling to the hope that everything will work out in the end but I can't shake that feeling that this year has changed my life in ways that I never wanted it to.

More tears...

This year has been more then just trials, it has been filled with great blessings. The Lord has brought some amazing people into my life. Many of whom helped me make it through this year. So many memories are amazingly packed in to 9 months of my life. Times full of laughter and tears, smiles, walks with friends, talking for hours on end about everything and nothing at all, barging in on a friend without calling, fun-on-funs, gwinn dates, and one of my favorite things...HUGS! So much emotion so tightly bound in 9 months. This past year encompasses 9 months of my life that will forever change how I view life itself.

Silence....

Here I sit...alone...longing so much for those people God brought in to my life this year. I know that life is all about seasons...I just don't want to lose the people that were brought in to this season of my life. I hope that we will meet again. If we don't have the opportunity I just want to say thank you.

To the people God has brought in to my life and the ones that God has allowed to continue along the journey with me for another year.

Thank you

...for being there as I let out frustration because yet again I was thrown a road block

...for letting me cry as you hugged me and prayed that God would be my strength when I felt like me feet would not carry me anymore

...for being there to cheer me up and making me laugh when I felt like times would not get any better

...for saying hi to me when no one else noticed my presence

...for finding time just to sit/walk and talk about everything and nothing all at the same time

...for loving me for me, faults and all

...for being vunerable with me

...for telling the truth

...for all of the fun times that we had

...for most importantly being you


I am heading in to a new season of my life. Where will the road lead me? What road blocks might lie ahead? What lessons will God try and teach me this time and will I begin to understand lessons that I have already been taught?

Here I go...I am off. Wish me luck! I pray that God uses me in many ways and that I will be able to impact the life of another just as you have impacted me.

While this year has been trying I don't know that I would trade it for anything. I have been blessed...I am still here. For that I am ultimately thankful.