Soothing Rain

There is something about hearing the rain bounce about outside my window that I find simply soothing. It is calming to the core. Something about it makes every thing feel okay again. After feeling like I have been on an emotional roller coaster since my surgery 4 weeks ago it is niced to feel soothed. As I lay here curled up in my blanket I feel comforted. I have to admit though...I am afraid of what lies ahead, but right now I will just focus on the rain. How simply it falls but yet how perfect it is.

People

I am learning more and more everyday that one thing in life that I will probaby never understand is people. Why do people pay the blame game when the person they should be blaming is themself? Why do people bottle things up until they explode? Why is communication so difficult for people?

I wish we as human being could talk openly about our feelings and that we never got to the point of being so upset that we explode. This is one thing about human nature that frustrates me the most. We don't communicate properly. I try so hard to communicate with those around me but it is just not something that is returned.

I miss my good friends for this reason. We aroundstood eachother. Communication was something that we valued. I wish they weren't so far away...so many of them have moved away and that saddens me. Very few of the people here value true relationships. Relationships of communication.

I wish I knew what to do. I keep telling myself that I am only here until the middle of March, but I don't want that to be my focus. I want to celebrate my last 5 months of undergrad and take advantage of every moment...it is just a lot harder then I thought it would be. Why is life never easy....sigh.

Where to begin?

I feel as if my life as been a whirl wind lately. I go from having surgery to moving 3 days later and I just finished my 2 week of this quarter. Did I mention this is my next to last quarter? Well, there you go. Sometimes I feel as if I am a by stander in my own life and I have to admit that is not a good feeling. The days are just going by so quickly that I have little to no time to breath.

Real life is fast approaching and I am not sure if I am ready for it yet.
Can we just rewind time to:
when life was fun...
when my friends lived a short walk away...
when my best friend wasn't half way across the world fighting in a war...
when money was the green paper in mom's wallet...
when I didn't know the feeling of pain or loss...

I would like so much to put the breaks on this thing called life but that would be thinking beyond reality. It is so hard to put yourself in reality when your dreams are just so good. More and more I find myself living in the clouds...it is quite nice I must say, but I know that is not where I belong.

I have attempted to start writing for fun again so I will see how that goes. I am finding my most creative moments to be right as I am lying in bed..I think that I wil have to envest in a little notebook to keep under my pillow so that I can document my moments of genius because come morning they are long gone.

My plan is to try and update this more often as well. Life is an adventure and I just need to stop and take notice.

Until next time....