My Life Unscripted

Signs?

2009-11-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what God has planned for your life? Lately I have been wondering if the plan I have for my life matches that of what God has planned and I am beginning to believe God has way more planned then I could ever imagine.

Finals...

2009-11-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Finals start Thursday! Oh my!

Ok...I think I am good now!

Quarter One

2009-11-09T19:44:00.001-07:00

I can't believe the quarter is almost over....when did that happen. Next week is finals and next Thursday I jump on a plane and head to see the family. Kind of nervous to take my first flight since coming back from Ukraine when I swore I wouldn't take another flight in a long time (4 flights in 32 hours was too much). :-) At least flying from Phoenix to Seattle is only 3 hours.

If only I could take the great people from here and the great people from home and put them all in one place..that would make life much better!

Memories....

2009-11-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

Memories of love, loss and beauty.
Memories of triumphs, faults, and failures.

No matter how big or small
No matter how good or bad.
Your memories will always be yours.

Written: 9/28/05

Gifts

2009-11-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

Life is a blessing in disguise,
Filled with so many wonderful things
Life brings along it's path, friends
In all their beauty

Friends, as well as family, are gifts from God
It is a reminder to us that we are loved
And as long as we have friends and family we will be loved
Life is a gift from God so cherish every moment!

Written 9/27/05

Ponder this!

2009-11-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

1) Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
2) How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on and if the bathroom is closed for cleaning.
3) Birthdays are good for you; the more you have the longer you live.
4) Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
5) Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the poeple who have to wait for them?
6) Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
7) If Walmart is lowering prices everyday, how come nothing it free yet?
8) You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
9) Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
10) Don't cry because it is over; smile because it happened.
11) We could learn a lot of crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all exist very nicely in the same box.
12) A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Take joy in the little things in life!

I miss the rain

2009-11-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

I miss the tapping of rain on my window,
the smell after the first fall.
I miss splashing and jumping in each puddle I see,
I miss the rain.

The cool mist that breaks your cheek unexpectedly on a warm day
the sand beneath my toes.
The crispness of the air,
I miss the rain.

I miss the quiet times
The times when the world stood still while the rain fell
I miss how new everything felt,
I miss the rain.

The rain brought peace
where is the peace without the rain
The rain made everything clear and pure
I miss the rain.

Tears on my pillow...

2009-11-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those nights where you cry yourself to sleep? I am pretty sure most people have. I am not sure what brought it on but last night was one of those nights for me.

Blessed!

2009-11-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me know that I am a giver to the core. This typically envolves making treats of some sort and giving pretty much all of them away. This is one thing in life that brings me pure joy. I love to make sure that other people knwo that I appreciate them and feel blessed to know them.

Okay, so the real reason for this post. Have you ever has one of those jobs where you are just excited to go to work? This has happened a few times in my life and it seems like when it does happen it is because the people you work with are just outstanding. I currently have a job like that. I love the 2 gals I work with! Every time I go to work I know that what I am doing matters and that these gals appreciate having me there. Working with them is so much fun. It is like they are my familiy away from my family. So great!

Change is GREAT!!!

2009-11-02T17:16:00.001-07:00

So I was bored this afternoon when I got home from school and really didnt want to study yet so I decided it was time to rearrange my room. I do this from time to time and this probably wont be the last although with little room to move things around it probably wont change by much.

Here are the before and after pictures.

Where my desk used to be....

...Is where my bed has taken up residence.

and where my bed used to reside...

...is where I will now study.

I think I will like this layout much better. Much better lighting and my room now looks huge! Change is GREAT!

2 weeks down...umpteen to go!

2009-09-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

Wow! These first two weeks of school have been a whirl wind. We started off our time at AT Still with a "fun" filled 2 days of orientation. Come on...doesn't everyone want to go over the rules and regulations 5 or 6 times..in the same time. :)

So that was the first two days. We did get to meet the faculty and play an ice breaker game and I have to admit that was fun. Our first and second days of actually classes was like brain overload to no end. I had to come home after our first day of anatomy and sleep....for like 3.5 hours. My brain definitely hurt.

Week 2 was much better. Tuesdays are my lab day and it was quite fun. I have to admit that I have never learned the muscles of the shoulder with never innervations, orgins and insertions as well as the brachial plexus so quickly. I really think this quarter is going to be great. I have already passed my first skills test...woohoo! I know how to properly drape a patient so that their "goods" aren't exposed. lol

Today was a very long day. We had the first Az Student Conclave. It was great to be a part of it but they through a lot of information at us. This week we have elections for officers of the SPTA (student physical therpay association-for our school). I have been nominated for Vice President and I am keeping my fingers crossed that I actually get it.

Well that is all for right now. My brain hurts and I still have tons of homework to do. Good Night All!

I have arrived!

2009-08-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

We left at about 7 am on Saturday the 15th and arrived at my new home on Sunday the 16th at around 1. After waiting a bit to get the key we were finally able to get unloaded and start the settling process. I am glad my dad was here to help. We accomplished so much in such a short period of time. Monday we bought my bed and a table, then waited for that to be delivered. It cacme quiet quickly and then we took a trip out to ikea to buy a desk and dresser. Everything went quiet smoothly and I am all set up and ready for school to start. I have a few things still to buy for school but other then that I am all ready to go! Woohoo! Now I am just taking some time to relax and enjoy my last few days of life as I know it before everything becomes full of learning about the body as it pertains to physical therapy.

I couldn't be more excited! I have a feeling that these next 3 years are going to come and go in the blink of an eye.

Let's try again

2009-07-13T16:38:00.001-07:00

So I have decided to give this another go mostly because I will be moving in 33 days! Yes that's right! On August 16th I will be moving to Arizona to start Physical Therapy School! I am so excited!!! Since I will be so far away from everyone thought that it would be good to try and keep people updated..because we wont be able to talk all the time.

Well that's all for now! More later!

Soothing Rain

2008-10-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

There is something about hearing the rain bounce about outside my window that I find simply soothing. It is calming to the core. Something about it makes every thing feel okay again. After feeling like I have been on an emotional roller coaster since my surgery 4 weeks ago it is niced to feel soothed. As I lay here curled up in my blanket I feel comforted. I have to admit though...I am afraid of what lies ahead, but right now I will just focus on the rain. How simply it falls but yet how perfect it is.

People

2008-10-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

I am learning more and more everyday that one thing in life that I will probaby never understand is people. Why do people pay the blame game when the person they should be blaming is themself? Why do people bottle things up until they explode? Why is communication so difficult for people?

I wish we as human being could talk openly about our feelings and that we never got to the point of being so upset that we explode. This is one thing about human nature that frustrates me the most. We don't communicate properly. I try so hard to communicate with those around me but it is just not something that is returned.

I miss my good friends for this reason. We aroundstood eachother. Communication was something that we valued. I wish they weren't so far away...so many of them have moved away and that saddens me. Very few of the people here value true relationships. Relationships of communication.

I wish I knew what to do. I keep telling myself that I am only here until the middle of March, but I don't want that to be my focus. I want to celebrate my last 5 months of undergrad and take advantage of every moment...it is just a lot harder then I thought it would be. Why is life never easy....sigh.

Where to begin?

2008-10-10T22:29:00.000-07:00

I feel as if my life as been a whirl wind lately. I go from having surgery to moving 3 days later and I just finished my 2 week of this quarter. Did I mention this is my next to last quarter? Well, there you go. Sometimes I feel as if I am a by stander in my own life and I have to admit that is not a good feeling. The days are just going by so quickly that I have little to no time to breath.

Real life is fast approaching and I am not sure if I am ready for it yet.
Can we just rewind time to:
when life was fun...
when my friends lived a short walk away...
when my best friend wasn't half way across the world fighting in a war...
when money was the green paper in mom's wallet...
when I didn't know the feeling of pain or loss...

I would like so much to put the breaks on this thing called life but that would be thinking beyond reality. It is so hard to put yourself in reality when your dreams are just so good. More and more I find myself living in the clouds...it is quite nice I must say, but I know that is not where I belong.

I have attempted to start writing for fun again so I will see how that goes. I am finding my most creative moments to be right as I am lying in bed..I think that I wil have to envest in a little notebook to keep under my pillow so that I can document my moments of genius because come morning they are long gone.

My plan is to try and update this more often as well. Life is an adventure and I just need to stop and take notice.

Until next time....

What a summer

2008-09-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that summer is quickly coming to a close. What I thought would be the longest summer of my life has flown by in a blink of an eye. This has by far been the summer of the most growth and learning. I truly feel like a new person. Who I was just a couple months ago is not who I am today. The girl is not completely gone, but pieces of her are still intertwined in the depths of my being.

What has tought me the most this summer is my job as a Physical Therapy Technician and volunteering at the Children's Therapy Unit (although they considered me more of an intern which is a huge compliment). I have learned a lot from the people that I have had the opportunity to come in contact with. They have taught me a lot about life and what truly is important. I really cannot put in to words how grateful I am to have met such wonderful people. People who have fought in wars or simply those who have been though a lot of hard times but they still have a smile on their face. It is those people who have taught me what hope is.

I really do feel much more prepared as I embark upon another season in my life. I really don't know what to think or feel sometimes. Apply for Physical Therapy school is a bit scary to me. The next 6 months will decide what the 3 years after undergrad will look like. The biggest thing on my mind is the question of where. Where will I end up? I know that God will not send me any where He doesn't think I can handle, but I am still scared/worried. As long as I get in somewhere I know that 4 years from today I will be a licensed Doctor of Physical Therapy. It is a little intimidating. I know it will all work out for the best...I guess I am just lacking a little bit in the faith department right now.

As of right now I find myself wishing more and more that I would find the strength to break free from my bondage. I feel trapped and it is starting to stress me out. At least in 2 weeks I will not be right in the midst of the caos...for a little while. Sadly enough...I find school to be a relief from my reality. For a few short months I get to live in my dreams. Dreams where there is peace. Where no one screams and yells, but most importantly a place where people listen to what I have to say. A place where I matter. I am so looking forward to returning to my dreamland soon. I am excited to be living in my dreamland with my eyes open.

Future

2008-02-01T17:50:00.000-07:00

I am really excited about what the future holds for me. It is hard to believe that I only have one year left of Undergrad and then I will be off ot bigger and better things. I will finally be a physical therapist. It still seems so far away but I am over half way there.

As of right now I will be graduating in March of 2009, one quarter sooner then normal. Right after finishing my last final of undergrad I will hopefully be jumping on a plane to Guatemale for a few weeks of which I will be working hands on in a medical clinic there. I think I will be living with one of the doctors but that is still to be determined. I am so excited to be able to go on a medical missions trip. This is something I have been wanting to do for a long time now.

Well...more as I find out...

Troubled Waters

2008-02-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

At the moment it appears that I am sailing through troubled waters. I really have no idea which way to go and feel completely lost. Sometimes I just wish that God spoke answers so that I could hear them. I am at a place right now where I wish I knew the answer. Do I continue on the path that I am currently on trusting that this is where I am meant to be or do I jump ship and see what else is out there. I really don't know.

Pain..ugh

2007-07-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

So after about 8 months of pain I finally convinced my dentist that it is about time to take out my wisdom teeth. I will be 21 in 6 months..and my wisdom needs to go..lol. Tuesday I get to go to the oral surgeon and find out when he is going to remove them. I am so ready for this pain to go away..I am in agony. I am like a teething 2 year old constantly sucking on something cold because that is the only thing that makes the pain go away. UGH!!!

Preschool & Trust

2007-07-08T19:48:00.000-07:00

So I find that I am learning a lot this summer..mainly aobut what I can do. Never did I think that I could teach 20 preschoolers and enjoy doing it. THis summer is another one of those tests God is throwing my way. He has given me such a heart for children of all ages and even ones with disablities. It brings a tear to my eye, but I don't quite understand why. The future is so unclear at the moment but I know that no matter what happens I must f0llow the path God has laid before me even when the ground seems uneven..it is when we think we can no longer make it that God will lift us up and carry us.

This summer keeps bringing to my memory the Footprints poem
"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow You, You's walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublsome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I need you most You would leave me."

The Lord replied, "My son. My precoiu child. I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trail and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

TRUST..that is the lesson I am learning right now.

Temporary Redhead

2007-07-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

So I am temporarily a redhead. I thought that I would try something new for the something to kind of switch thing up a little bit. It looks very natural on me..I am begining to wonder if I should have been born a redhead. Well if it fits me well over the next few weeks I may get it permenately..well for a little while at least.

So much has changed

2007-07-04T21:36:00.000-07:00

So I at the moment I am board..sitting inside on the 4th of July because the air is way to thick for me to breath and I thought I would do one of those little survery things and then maybe due some reflection
---- 6 Years Ago -------
1.) How old were you? 14
2.) Where did you go to school?: Cedarcreast Jr
3) Where did you work?: Daycare
4.) Where did you live?:Puyallup, WA
5.) Where did you hang out?: Mall, Friend's houses
6.) Did you wear glasses? yes
7.) Who was your best friend(s)at that time?: Mindi and Katie
8.) How many tattoos did you have? No
9.) How many piercings did you have?: 2 in each ear
10.) What car did you drive? I was 14
11.) Had you been to a real party? No
12.) Had You had your heart broken?: No
13.) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced?: Single

---------2 years ago-----------
1.) How old were you?18
2.) Where did you go to school?: SPU
3.) Where did you work? Physical Therapy Clinic
4.) Where did you live?: Seattle and Puyallup
5.) Where did you hang out? Out in the sun or on my floor
6) Did you wear glasses? Only at night
7.) Who were your best friend(s)? Hanna and Amanda
9.) How many tattoos did you have? 0
10.) How many piercings did you have?: still 2
11) What car did you drive?: Chrysler Cirrus
12) Had your heart broken?: Yes..hard
13. Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorce?: Sinlge

--------------------Today--------------------
1.) How old are you?: 20
2.) what school do u go to? SPU
3) where do you live? Seattle and Puyallup
4.) Do you wear glasses? at night
5.) Who are your best friends? Kellie and Amanda
6.) Do you talk to your old friends?: some
7.) How many piercings do you have?: still 2
8.) How many tattoos?: 0
9) What car are you driving? Chrysler Cirrus
10.) Has your heart been broken?: Once and I don't think it will ever be the same
11.) are you Single/Taken/Married/Divorce?: Single

It is weird to think of how much things change in such a short amout of time. When I left high school I had one fear...that I would lose contact with someone that I considered my best friend of all time. That has pretty much happened but not do to a lack of trying on my part. Life is hard...something I am slowly starting to learn. It makes a big difference to have those people in your life who are willing to sit down and get to know you. To those people I say thank you, Kellie, Sarah M, Sarah B, Krsyta, Amanda N, and anyone else I can't remember right now. I know that people will come and go in my life, but I would just like to thank you for being there for me right now. I appreciate you more then you will ever know!

Rain, Rain Go AWAY!!

2007-06-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

So for the past couple of days my family and I were at the beach. What was supposed to be a relaxing vacation turned in to a run for cover and hope you don't get wet event. We woke it this morning to more rain..it had been pouring for almost two days...we decided to get the heck out of there. Unfortunately the rain literally trailed us all the way home and we are now sitting at home not looking forward to going outside any time soon.

School...

Well this week was my first week of my history class and it is going faily well. It is kind of weird taking an online course but I am rather enjoying working at my own pass and only having deadlines once a week instead of every other day.

Saving lives..

Tomorrow I will be certified to save lives. It shoud be exciting but it will be a long day of class. If you have a heart attack after tomorrow though I will be able to save you...well again, I am updating my certification. Why do they keep changing the rules of life saving?

"Seasons" - Donald Miller "Through Painted Deserts"

2007-06-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

This is an exerpt that was read at the end of this school year. It is just a reminder that we all go through seasons in our lives. It is okay for things to come to an end because that is exactly had God wants it to be. We are put in a place for just as long as God needs us there and then we move on to our next season. Enjoy!

I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.

I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not just read the same page recurrently.

Only the good stories have the characters different at the end than they were at the beginning. And the closest thing I can liken life to is a book, the way it stretches out on paper, page after page, as if to trick the mind into thinking it isn't all happening at once.

Time has pressed you and me into a book, too, this tiny chapter we share together, this vapor of a scene, pulling our seconds into minutes and minutes into hours. Everything we were is no more, and what we will become, will become what was. This is from where story stems, the stuff of its construction lying at our feet like cut strips of philosophy. I sometimes look into the endless heavens, the cosmos of which we can't find the edge, and ask God what it means. Did You really do all this to dazzle us? Do You really keep it shifting, rolling round the pinions to stave off boredom? God forbid Your glory would be our distraction. And God forbid we would ignore Your glory.

Here is something I found to be true: you don't start processing death until you turn thirty. I live in visions, for instance, and they are cast out some fifty years, and just now, just last year I realized my visions were cast too far, they were out beyond my life span. It frightened me to think of it, that I passed up an early marriage or children to write these silly books, that I bought the lie that the academic life had to be separate from relational experience, as though God only wanted us to learn cognitive ideas, as if the heart of a man were only created to resonate with movies. No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath...

It's a living book, this life; it folds out in a million settings, cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are; it is coming to a close quickly, and soon the credits will roll and all your friends will fold out of your funeral and drive back to their homes in cold and still and silence. And they will make a fire and pour some wine and think about how you once were...and feel a kind of sickness at the idea you will never again will be.

So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of the story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up. You begin to mourn its ending, and want to pace yourself slowly toward its closure, knowing the last lines will speak of something beautiful, of the end of something long and earned, and you hope the thing closes out like last breaths, like whispers about how much and who the characters have come to love, and how authentic the sentiments feel when they have earned a hundred pages of qualification.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.

Roll the world around on your tongue for a bit. It's a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.

Two Worlds

2007-06-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

A year has past and now we stand on the brink of returning to a world where we are surrounded by the paradox of everything, and yet nothing being the same.

In days we will reluctantly give our hugs and, fighting the tears, say goodbye to people who were once just names on a sheet of paper to return to people that we hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before we ever left.

We will leave our best friends to return to our best friends.

We will go back to the places we came from and go back to the same things we did last summer and every summer before that. We will come into town on the same familiar road, and even though it has been months, it will seem like only yesterday. As you walk into your old bedroom, every emotion will pass through you as you reflect on the way your life has changed and the person you have become. You suddenly realize that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand.

The memories and the stories from school won't mean anything to anyone at home and yet you resent them for that, that they can't share that happiness with you.

Who will you call first? What will you do your first weekend home with your friends? How long before you actually start missing people barging in without calling or knocking? Who will get pizza at three in the morning with you now? How long until you adjust to sleeping alone in a room again?

Then you start to realize how much things have changed, and you realize the hardest part of college is balancing the two completely different worlds you now live in, trying desperately to hold on to everything all the while trying to figure out what you have to leave behind. In the matter of one day's traveling time, we will leave our world of living next door to our best friends, walking across campus to eat, instant messenger, 8:00am classes, and the perpetual procrastination to a world that will seem foreign to us despite the fact that we lived in it for eighteen years.

But it is different now. We now know the meaning of true friendship. We know who we have kept in touch with over the past year and who we hold dearest in our hearts. We've left our high school world to deal with the real world. We've had our hearts broken, we've fallen in love, we've helped our best friends overcome depression, stress and death, and we've stayed up all night on the phone just to talk to a friend in need. There have been times we've felt so helpless being hours away from home when we know our families needed us, and there are times we know we have made a difference.

A few days from now we will leave. In a few days from now we take down our pictures, and pack up our clothes. No more going next door to do nothing for hours on end. We will leave our friends whose random email and phone calls will bring us to laughter and tears this summer.

We will take our memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for our return to this world.

A few days from now we will arrive. We will unpack our bags and have dinner with our families. We will drive over to our best friend's house and do nothing for hours on end We will return to the same friends whose random emails and phone calls have brought us to laughter and tears over the year. We will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away for the past year.

In a few days we will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still keep each other close. And somehow, in some way, we will find our place between these two completely different worlds.

Two Lives Become One

2007-06-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that moving back home from college could be so difficult.

I sit going through things from this year, sorting through what I should keep and what needs to go. I find it difficult to let go.

Even harder then letting go of things from this year is making room for the things to keep by getting rid of things from the past. It shouldn't be this hard, right. It is just stuff. I find memories attached to everything, and I am not ready to let it go.

My two worlds are becoming one again. I have changed so much but this world is still the same. No one here understands my other world. For now I have to put that other world on hold and enter in to this world which seems so foreign but I lived in it for so long.

I feel out of place here. It is almost as if I have to learn things all over again.

Where do I go from here?

2007-06-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am speechless. I sit in my room and I just don't even know where to begin. I am alone and my mind is running a mile a minute. I run just to try and catch a piece of it. Where do I begin? How did I get to where I am right now? Where do I go from here? The tears begin to flow as I reflect on a year that was extremely trying and rewarding at the same time.

This year has literally rocked my world. God has tested me more this year then I ever expected. I have definitely had my ups and downs. There have been times when I thought that I just couldn't make it any more. I have made it through though. Some how I have survived this year of endless trials.

I wish I understood why things happened they way they did. Why was this year full of so many challenging situations? I know that I wont be able to understand the true impact of this year until later on in my life. Some day I will be able to sit and know why I was put through such a hard year, but that time is not now.

I find myself asking a lot of why questions. Mainly..why me? Why does my world constantly feel like it is being turned upside down? How will all of this play out in my life and what will it mean?

I am scared for the future...I am flat out terrified to see what this year will mean in the broad spectrum of my life. I cling to the hope that everything will work out in the end but I can't shake that feeling that this year has changed my life in ways that I never wanted it to.

More tears...

This year has been more then just trials, it has been filled with great blessings. The Lord has brought some amazing people into my life. Many of whom helped me make it through this year. So many memories are amazingly packed in to 9 months of my life. Times full of laughter and tears, smiles, walks with friends, talking for hours on end about everything and nothing at all, barging in on a friend without calling, fun-on-funs, gwinn dates, and one of my favorite things...HUGS! So much emotion so tightly bound in 9 months. This past year encompasses 9 months of my life that will forever change how I view life itself.

Silence....

Here I sit...alone...longing so much for those people God brought in to my life this year. I know that life is all about seasons...I just don't want to lose the people that were brought in to this season of my life. I hope that we will meet again. If we don't have the opportunity I just want to say thank you.

To the people God has brought in to my life and the ones that God has allowed to continue along the journey with me for another year.

Thank you

...for being there as I let out frustration because yet again I was thrown a road block

...for letting me cry as you hugged me and prayed that God would be my strength when I felt like me feet would not carry me anymore

...for being there to cheer me up and making me laugh when I felt like times would not get any better

...for saying hi to me when no one else noticed my presence

...for finding time just to sit/walk and talk about everything and nothing all at the same time

...for loving me for me, faults and all

...for being vunerable with me

...for telling the truth

...for all of the fun times that we had

...for most importantly being you

I am heading in to a new season of my life. Where will the road lead me? What road blocks might lie ahead? What lessons will God try and teach me this time and will I begin to understand lessons that I have already been taught?

Here I go...I am off. Wish me luck! I pray that God uses me in many ways and that I will be able to impact the life of another just as you have impacted me.

While this year has been trying I don't know that I would trade it for anything. I have been blessed...I am still here. For that I am ultimately thankful.